Another Day, Another Post

I'm finally over my cold, but I feel like a complete ball of stress right night. More work than usual, a bad time of year all combine to make me feel like I want to vomit all the time.

So let me tell you about my New Year's celebration. I went over to S1-'s solo (guess who had the kids) and a few of us just hung out, had a few drinks, and played some games. S1- and I had talked about how when you go out you end up paying a ton of money either on some cover charge or on the drinks and you end up spending the whole evening with your group anyway. So it makes just as much sense to go over to someone's house where you know you can crash if driving isn't an option and buying a bottle of alcohol is so much cheaper than at any bar.

Saturday an old friend is coming into to town to hang out. I know I've mentioned him before, and sometimes I feel very conflicted about this person. Sometimes it's hard to forget old feelings even if you know they aren't what you really feel anymore. I wish we were more open with one another, I think that's the problem, in my mind we would tell each other everything, but we really don't anymore. Before Christmas I tried to call him when I was upset, not that I wanted his sympathy, but I knew it would be nice to hear a familiar voice. I got his voicemail though, which should have disappointed me, but instead I think I was a little relieved. I doubt I would have had the nerve to say that I was flipping out because it was approaching the anniversary of my father's death and I kept thinking about this one scene in "What Dreams May Come" where he sees his daughter in heaven and I would think about that and think about how D- pretty much said that no matter how sad I was I had to remember that my mother knew my father for much longer than I ever did which made me feel like I was stupid for even thinking about being sad about that whole thing even though I know I have every right to, his saying that just put me on edge around my mother because I didn't want to upset her anymore than necessary. (There's a good Woolf-esque sentence). But I suppose we shall wait until Saturday to see what happens.