Bad Morning
Last night D- found a used item in the bedroom and jumped the conclusion that I had done something I hadn't. I don't do anything that could lead a person to believe that I would cheat; I never go out, I don't receive mysteriours phone calls, I'm honest to a fault in some ways. So when I came up with probably the only rational explanation for the situation he just looked at me and I knew that no matter what I said he would think it was a lie. Later that night he said he just wanted an explanation and didn't think that I had really done anything.
I suppose if I plan to stay with D- I'll will have to forever live with the sins of his ex-wife. To forever be judged by standards that do not apply to me. To have to watch my step because anything can be misconstrued against me.
And you know what the biggest slap in the face was? After he confronts me with what he found and we fought, I went in the kitchen to start dinner and he went upstairs and called his ex.
The thing is, if I were more financially and emotionally secure I would probably make him leave. But I know that I probably will never find someone who can love me again and I don't have the finances to move.
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. I'm going out to see a movie with K- tonight.
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