It's Been Awhile

It's been a long day and since I've been running reports my mind has had plenty of time to go into overtime. . .

Take for instance the luncheon I attended last Friday in which someone asked me to tell them about myself. This is only my least favorite question ever because I never really know what to say. I mean it's not like I could have said this: Well, I grew up in Tennessee and no I don't have a particular affection for either UT or the Titans and no that doesn't mean I particularly support UK, it's just not something I think about. I'm an only child, the only child of two alcoholic parents (which I only found out the last year that our family's "secret" was not a secret at all so know I wonder if the way I thought people view me back home is the completely different then the way they really do). But I'm ok with all that except for the fact that even though my mother detoxed last year I still listen closely to her voice when I talk to her say after 3 in the afternoon because I'm too far away to really know if anything is going on. Oh and my father died last year and it tears me up to think about him because there only about a million different thought patterns I can have in relation to his death and life. I can't watch commercials with weddings or fathers and I have been known to cry at the random 90210 episode. I feel like a complete outsider at work these days as I sit halfway across the office from my department, so yea I can hear them all laughing and talking but I'm never part of it. And that probably stems from the fact that yes, I am quiet, you learn to be when you live with a paralyzed vocal chord for six months. What else? I don't have a real goal in life other than to be remembered for something, something good I may have done. And I strive for a level of perfection that if ever achieved will not be noticed by the people whose affection I desire the most.

Oh and my favorite color is springtime green.